Will Self

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Archives for July 2007

Treading water over global warming

July 30, 2007

There’s nothing like being personally connected to loop one into the progress of a natural disaster. I have very close friends who live between Tewkesbury and Evesham, in the epicentre of the floods devastating central England. I was going up there for the weekend, but when I received a succinct email: “We are an island”, my determination to go in contrast to the waters evaporated. I stayed in London, watching politicians on the rolling news up to their mouths in raw sewage, which they vainly attempt to stem with sandbags full of rhetoric. David Cameron in Witney, Oxfordshire, the worst-affected part of his constituency, seized the day to pour his tepid scorn on Government preparedness.

Meanwhile, Hilary Benn swam to the surface of Worcester to rebut the claim that the Environment Agency’s budget for flood defences had been cut last year. Then, yesterday, the Great Helmsman finally appeared: Gordo himself. Perhaps wisely, the Prime Minister didn’t take to the flood waters himself. He’s no Gerhard Schroeder, whose splashing about during the 2005 German floods was credited with restoring his image as the Captain of the Fatherland. Instead, Gordo performed his usual “I’m too serious for my office” shtick, and ensured there were only dry eyes in the drenched houses. Whatever the situation on the sodden ground, we don’t need a public inquiry to tell us that the determination to indulge in political point-scoring remains in full spate.

It’s all very well for Hilary Benn to say: “We just have to recognise the intensity of the volume of water that’s come down and that has resulted in f looding that even with the best defences in the world would in some cases have been overtopped.” But what he dare not do is join the dots so that Middle England has to look upon the waters of the deep, and face up to the change in our climate and its disastrous results.

We have ceased to be a country where our temperate climate is matched only by our equanimity of character. Gone are the days when we could lightly mock our light London rains and dull skies: the past few years have made it abundantly clear that we’re living in the era when extreme weather events take their holidays here. And that shows up the vulnerability of our modern, high-tech country and our ability to deal (or not) with the consequences of extremity.

The Government doesn’t want to connect the floods to global warming tributes to the dead for fear of being exposed in the itsy-bitsy bikini of its own halfhearted environmental policy. Instead, we’re doomed to more building of new homes on flood plains, higher insurance premiums and a steady drift of politicians struggling to keep afloat in midstream who continue to think it’s only aprés them that the deluge will really get bad.

***

Where would we be without Amy Winehouse, the troubled soul diva whose antics are covered in one of the celebrity-gossip rags under the heading: Where’s the Wino? It may not ultimately be possible to help someone with a drink problem but you can sure as hell hinder them. And that’s what the bulk of the media seems intent on doing with poor Amy. Every skinny inch of her is being given maximum coverage, as the prurient vultures circle. Even notionally intelligent commentators enthuse about the ballsiness of her singing which they attribute to her increasing mental disintegration as if the only alternative were Cliff Richard. I’d like her to be happy, well-adjusted and carry on singing great songs, but then I suppose I’m so square I’m cubic.

***

While my poor friends in Worcestershire were moving their furniture upstairs, I took my kids downstream for some mud-larking. Courtesy of the Museum of London, we fossicked about on the foreshore at Canary Wharf in the company of a proper archaeologist. We may not have found the hoard of Roman gold my nineyear-old was anticipating, but Andy the archaeologist was able to identify 18th-century glassware, a 16th-century musket ball and a shard from a Tudor pot.

I myself came up with a more contemporary artefact: a BlackBerry. Andy conceded it was an interesting discovery, but suggested I chuck it back in the river: “It’s the archaeology of the future,” he admonished me. Quite so…

***

I know violent crime in London is falling, but it’s hard to see it from where I’m typing, at the epicentre of sarf London’s murder square-mile. Jean Charles de Menezes at Stockwell Tube, the young woman strangled in the shower at Vauxhall, the kid shot over a crack deal at Clapham North, the woman “honour” burnt in Larkhall Park over the past few years there’s been a killing at every point of the local compass.

Now comes the doorman shot dead outside the Bell pub on the Wandsworth Road. I passed by the other morning and saw the now commonplace Cellophanewrapped flowers and a stranger funerary gift: two bottles of white wine. Are we perhaps regressing to the mindset of the Ancient Greeks? For clearly, these were carry-outs for the afterlife …

24.07.07

Everything Toulouse

July 27, 2007

In Moulin Rouge, John Huston’s 1952 biopic of the French painter and absinthe-bucket Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, José Ferrer played the lead — entirely on his knees. The action begins in a Parisian bar, Toulouse-Lautrec sits supping his deathly green mouthwash — the barman polishes the glasses. Then the painter clambers down off his stool. Suddenly we’re in his point of view, looking up at the great zinc-topped escarpment of the counter the barman leans over, peers down at us, and speaks the first line of the movie: “So long, Toulouse!”

I resolved to walk to Toulouse in the spirit of Ferrer’s Oscar-winning performance by which I mean that for large portions of the journey I would be semi-recumbent on trains. First I would walk from my home in Stockwell, south London, to the Eurostar Terminal at Waterloo Station, then I’d entrain for the Gare du Nord. In Paris, I would stump across town to the Gare Montmartre and entrain once more for the far south.

In Toulouse, I would walk to my hotel, walk to the theatre where I was giving a reading with the chanteuse Marianne Faithful, walk to dinner, limp to bed, and in the morning I’d do the whole thing in reverse: a nice weekend’s stroll, covering some 1,300 miles. My wife, ever-sceptical of these peregrinations, always says the same thing: “Will you walk up and down the train?” She refuses to accept the musicality of my giant steps, their alternation of rhythmic striding and the fermata of the rail compartment.

The night before I left, I ran into Bobby. He got the walk to Toulouse. He grew up in Florida and used to water-ski across the Everglades, from lake to lake, his transit linking the Atlantic seaboard and the Gulf of Mexico (“We’d stop at amazing restaurants to eat fried chicken and gumbo”).

It was a dullish morning in London and rain threatened. Down by the Vauxhall railway arches the late-night revellers at Fire were punching the air, trying to KO the new day. Along the Albert Embankment, it was debatable that earth had not anything to show more fair. On the 6.37am train to Paris, the stewardess was chatty: they’re moving the terminal to King’s Cross and it’ll make her trip to the trip that’s work a grinding urban commute. It will render my walking tours of Paris equally unappealing, with all that London to march through before I reach the Boulevard de Magenta. The 50km through the Channel Tunnel has been walked, of course — by a Russian 36-year-old in 1998. But he was on his way to join the Foreign Legion and not officially sanctioned, a fugitive, on his knees — metaphorically — and what fun is that?

Aeolus was tossing buckets against the train windows in England — and then in France. But the drizzle was light as I strode away from the Gare du Nord, making for the Seine. I’d eschewed the map to give myself the delusion I knew my way around — or, perhaps to make the walk seem more like a Situationist’s aimless Dérive. I cut off Magenta before the Boulevard de Strasbourg and headed south down Rue du Faubourg-St Denis. As ever with these intermittent walks, the two cities had been kicked into one by my boots: London was exoticised — while making Paris seems ineffably mundane. I liked that. I liked the way the Porte Saint-Denis had all the historical resonance of a five-bar gate.Naturally I got lost around Les Halles, but then recovered myself to saunter across the Pont Neuf, through Saint Germain and up the Rue de Rennes. A swift espresso, priced at euro6, and it was into the uglification of the Gare Montmartre.

In Toulouse I left the station and headed along the Boulevard Pierre Sémard, which bordered a canal, then turned down the Allée Jean Jaurés, a wide, dull boulevard that debouched into the charming little Place Wilson, where I found a grandiose monument to the Occitan poet Pierre Goudouli. Ah, French urban place names! Where else in the world can you go from martyred Communist trade-union leader to socialist premier to US president, all within 40 minutes. From there I trod on the revolutionary Frenchman who was the US’s greatest friend — Rue Lafayette — until I reached the prosaic Place Capitole and checked into the Crown-Plaza.

That evening, at dinner in a brasserie on the Place Wilson, my friend François Ravard told me of the amazing sight he had witnessed that afternoon: a float of Gay Pride marchers being drawn through Toulouse by a melancholy French peasant sporting an Asterix moustache and driving a tractor. Meanwhile, another of our fellow diners informed us that the Charlemagne Regiment (a French division of the Waffen SS) were holding their annual reunion in a town an hour’s drive west of Toulouse. Such strange ambulatory antics! They made my own homage to José Ferrer seem positively banal.

21.07.07

The Jesmond jazzman

July 13, 2007

I write this to the jaunty strains of the West Jesmond Rhythm Kings’ platter Jubilee Stomp, courtesy of their trumpeter and vocalist, Mike Durham, who also happens to have been the highest bidder for my services in this year’s Independent Charity Auction. Or rather, his wife Patti snaffled me up as a present for Mike, who, as well as being a jazz musician and a sesquipedalian, manages to be a deep topographer of considerable intensity.

So it was that I detrained at Newcastle, unfolded the Brompton and set off to pedal the three miles up to the Durhams’ house in the leafy ‘burb of Jesmond. This was not most people’s vision of Tyneside: no smuts, flat caps, or whippets in sight, no fog on the river, no fishes on little dishes, only the long strip of Osborne Road, flanked by stony villas, into which had been sunk boreholes called things like The Billabong. Presumably the students who rent here often throw over their studies to go walkabout in the outback of intoxication.

Mike and Patti Durham have done their fair share of walking about too. Both of them haled originally from the south — Surrey and Sussex respectively — but they’ve been Oop North for more than 30 years now. Mike took a job with Procter & Gamble straight out of university, wooed Patti and swept her away to Northumbria. I suppose Tom Stoppard would say something arch about bringing Durhams to Newcastle — but then I’m not him.

Then they went walkabout. In the process of raising two children, the Durhams spent time in Cincinnati, Stockholm and Osaka, as Mike was posted hither and thither by soapocracy. The Durhams were remarkably insouciant about their globetrotting. Patti spoke of the squeaky cleanliness of the 1970s Swedish socialist paradise and how in Japan she and her blonde children were followed about by hair freaks. For Mike, Swedish was a doddle to pick up — “I walk, you walk, he walk — no declensions, see?” While in Osaka he and a fellow jazzman acquired a rhythm section by sauntering through the red-light district with their lugholes open.

Now retired, Mike has taken to sauntering the environs of Jesmond, arguably becoming rooted there in a way that only a transplanted growth can. He took me on a tour of his sacred sites, once he’d talked me through the highlights of his collection of 250-odd brass instruments. These glare-blared in immaculate glass cabinets: a synaesthetic cacophony.

We headed for the valley of the Ouseburn and the pleasure gardens of Jesmond Dene created by the pioneering engineer William — later Lord — Armstrong. After the Crimean War this was where the Armstrong breech-loading guns were tested, but later meadows, walkways and picturesque water features were conjured out of the newly post-industrial landscape. In the 1880s, Armstrong gave the gardens to the city.

On a summer’s weekday, Mike and I more or less had the place to ourselves, and we wandered down through the lush trees, stopping to examine the remains of the mills that used to grind here and the ruins of a 12th-century chapel connected by tunnel to the opulent banqueting house where Armstrong entertained his foreign clients. Now, this too is in ruins, another fine example of municipal desuetude. But that didn’t bother us. At least Armstrong’s Bridge is still here to admire: a wrought-iron tone poem of a thing, spanning the gorge 65ft up, its piers supported by their own weight on enormous iron rockers.

I haven’t the space to include all the sights Mike showed me but what I can say is that the valley of the Ouseburn was a more or less perfect rift through time and space: sundering prosperous Jesmond from the outer limits of Heaton and Byker, its wooded lips sewn together by Armstrong’s bridge and the A1058, which, in 1995, was sunk in an underpass, despite the efforts of migratory eco-warriors.

Patti joined us for lunch at Caffe Ti Amo in Jesmond Vale. Here we ate delicious clams and marvelled at the safety helmet that, having fallen off the back of a lorry three days earlier, was still outside on the pavement. The helmet was a nice symbol of the Lower Ouseburn Valley, which we strolled along after we’d eaten. In contrast to the Dene, this was a landscape that had fallen off the back of history’s lorry: a palimpsest of industrialisation, where coal wagons once rumbled, ore was crushed to extract white lead, and flax milled.

The Ouseburn was fed into a culvert in 1906, which emerges under the arches of three contrasting bridges: road, rail and metro. From here it was a hop and a skip down to the banks of the Tyne. Our walk ended beside beached, clinker-built boats. Former fishing boats, once hardworking craft, one of them was now dubbed Idler. How apt.

07.07.07

It’s not just cricket (there’s walking too)

July 10, 2007

This Saturday’s Guardian newspaper family section (July 14) will have a piece written by Will and his son Lex where they exchange passions: Will takes Lex walking on the Isle of Jura, while Lex takes Will along to the West Indies v England Twenty20 cricket at the Oval.

Puffed out

July 6, 2007

The time I gave up smoking, I lasted just short of a year, so in some ways I’m not the best qualified person to write about it. Added to that, my love affair with La Divina Nicotina is intense, protracted and tempestuous. I smoke cigarettes, I smoke cigars, a few years ago — after the sabbatical — I even took to puffing on pipes, and rapidly acquired a whole mantelpiece full of them, together with scores of obscure pipe tobaccos with names like Velvan Plug.

As I write this piece, I’m puffing on a hand-rolled cigarette of finest Kendal Dark, obtained from the redoubtable Jeremy Cole of Smith’s in the Charing Cross Road, my long-established tobacconist. This afternoon I’ll probably sip meditatively on a pipe, and the evening will be punctuated with long draughts of Havana smoke from a Hoyo de Monterrey Epicure No 2 — one of the finest cigars known to humankind.

Yes, I’ve smoked through colds, through bronchitis, through cancer scares, through the head-shaking, tut-tutting weariness of all branches of the medical profession. I’ve smoked in New York, I’ve smoked in LA. I’ve smoked in Queensland, Australia, where they already have the draconian anti-smoking ordinances that we’ll no doubt soon see in our once grey and acrid land, to whit: no puffing permitted within 15m of any public building; a bylaw that creates not posses of filter-tipped felons, but bizarre semicircular chain gangs of us.

But for all that, I have no objection whatsoever to the smoking ban in England — indeed, I salute it as an inevitability. I quite understand that non-smokers — by now the vast majority of the adult population — don’t wish to have rank fumes thrown in their faces as they sip their wine or bib their lobster. This is a democracy, and the people have voted with their lungs. Yes, I grasp all of this, because I too was once a non-smoker, and I know what it feels like.

I know what it feels like to get up in the morning and take great gouts of clean air into your pristine lungs, I know what it feels like not to have a tongue as hispid as an Axminster with butts ground out on it, I know what it feels like not to have to eructate a rigid cookie of sputum before you can choke down your breakfast — or the first fag of the day. So I can unequivocally state that I loved not smoking — and I loved giving it up as well.

I may be a little bit of a special case when it comes to giving up drugs (and nicotine most surely is a drug — in my view one of the strongest and best) because I’ve given up most of them: alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy, speed, heroin, LSD — you name it, I’ve jacked it in. So, when it came to packing in the fags, I took the approach that served me well with all my other addictions. Coincidentally, this treatment programme is not at all dissimilar to that enshrined in Allen Carr’s famous masterwork The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.

Carr himself rather rejected the 12-step recovery programmes of Alcoholics Anonymous, and claimed that recovering drug addicts and alcoholics were unsuited to his stop-smoking method, but I suspect that this was because he was an alcoholic himself, as well as a shrewd businessman who didn’t want competition from a free service.

There is, incidentally, a self-help group called Nicotine Anonymous, and although I’ve never attended myself, my informants tell me it can be extremely helpful.

But the Easy Way is a blend of common sense and cognitive behavioural therapy that I found did the trick for me. Carr’s method eschews substitution of any kind: you go cold turkey right away, no patches, no gum, no nothing. Some people say that nicotine withdrawal is a nightmare, comparable to heroin. I say: bullshit.

In fact, nicotine withdrawal is a rather pleasant experience — giggly, slightly trippy, rendering the recovering smoker emotionally volatile, likely to laugh, cry or shout. It’s also over in 48 hours or so. Substituting gum or patches simply continues the addiction by other means, and although I appreciate that some smokers do quit using these as aids, I’d wager it isn’t them that have made the difference: something has changed for them in their attitude, which makes it possible for them to stay stopped, once the drug is finally out of their body.

I once saw a well-known hypnotist do a stop-smoking session for a client. He was very forthright in countering the notion that hypnotists can’t get you to do anything against your will. On the contrary, he told me, hypnotism is about doing precisely this, and stopping smoking is a case in point. Yet what I observed was that once he’d put the client under, he simply told her all the nasty factoids about smoking that we’ve all heard before — and that Carr retells in his books, seminars, sessions et. It was only that the tranced-out woman was in a better state to receive them.

I’ve known people for whom hypnotism has worked very well, but once again, I suspect this was because the important mental changes required to stay stopped were already under way for them. Carr runs through all the negative stuff about smoking, but his clincher — which, if you can hold it in your mind and truly believe it, works 100 per cent — is that not only is smoking not in the least enjoyable to you any more, but you never really liked it to begin with!

He takes you back to those first, nauseating, chemical inhalations, and keeps you there, your head spinning with adolescent angst. He has a brilliantly simple line on stopping smoking and weight gain: don’t substitute food for fags, because you don’t really want food at all! It worked for me when I stopped using his method. I kept my deliciously lissom figure.

Carr makes of giving up smoking the same kind of ritual that smoking is itself. He encourages you to move towards Q-Day in well-defined increments, shedding the crinkled-up leaves of tobacco from the quick, green shoots of new health. He allows you to talk about it — ad tedium if necessary — and he implants the vital notion that every day without smoking is a positive benefit, the very treat that you thought you were rewarding yourself with, when in fact you were slowly committing suicide.

As I say, I read Carr’s book, stopped, and had a thoroughly good time. I immediately took up much more physical activity: running, long-distance walking, cycling — and rapidly became fitter than I had ever been in my adult life (I started smoking at 12). I enjoyed my food, I felt clearer and more focused.

Many writers — and indeed anyone with a keyboard-based job — say they can’t concentrate or compose without a hit of nicotine. Carr’s method knocked that idea into touch for me: I wrote an entire novel during the year I was off fags, together with my usual quota of journalism, and found no difficulty with it at all. I simply substituted other work rituals — chewing gum, special stationery — for those I’d had around tobacco.

Within about three months of stopping smoking, I found that I’d ceased to think of myself as a smoker, and indeed, seldom thought about smoking at all — if, that is, I was alone.

Of course, as a non-drinker, I didn’t have that dangerous trigger of disinhibition occasioned by a few drinks. I’ve seen many people, many times, fall off the clean-air wagon because they’ve got tipsy at a party and had a smoke (Carr’s method also enshrines the AA code that “one is too many, a thousand never enough” if you want to stay stopped, never again have so much as a suck).

I’ve also seen occasional marijuana smokers come a cropper because they had a few tokes on a joint rolled with tobacco, thinking that it couldn’t do any harm, that it was a “different thing”. Wrong! With neither of these pitfalls facing me, what was my undoing? Well, as I say, I was fine with not smoking when I was alone, but I was a holy terror around other people. I just couldn’t get my attitude right towards them, whether they were smokers or not. Already a tricky presence socially, I found that shorn of the defensive blue-brown drapery, I felt terribly naked and exposed. I became more and more antisocial.

I also became vastly intolerant of those close to me smoking, exiling them from the house, even hounding them down the street. I didn’t like this in myself, and in part felt I should seek further therapy for that deeply seated, defective part of myself that couldn’t just live and let die. I also lost sight of the positive benefits of not smoking, once I’d become used to them.

In five short words: I took them for granted.

The fall from clean-air grace was both sudden and protracted: the cigarette at a party was followed by three, painful months of re-toxification, during which I felt the drug reoccupy all those brain centres it had been so blissfully blown out of. Only once I was well and truly addicted again did I cough a sigh of pained relief.

Still, there is an upside to this woeful, wheezing tale: I know that it’s possible — and even enjoyable — to stop smoking, and I know that some day I’ll do it again with equal enjoyment. The method I followed is not the only way — there are many ways to flip a butt. The only hard and fast rules seem to me to be not substituting one dependency for another, and taking physical exercise so you can enjoy your release from bondage.

I was going to give up in July — like so many others — but I confess, I am, childishly, rather enjoying the dumb rebelliousness of still puffing, and plan to continue with cigarettes until the current supply exhausts itself in August.

Then I will confine myself to cigars when I’m working at home, and smoke nothing when I’m out.

I’m bound to feel a little uneasy, scratchy and vulnerable to begin with. I won’t have anything to do with my hands, I won’t have a barrier between me and the world, I won’t be able to strike my familiar attitudes. Still, the alternative — hunching under garden heaters with other throwbacks, while the winter whistles in — is as unappealing as licking an ashtray…

26.06.07

Head in the clouds

July 6, 2007

Last year I walked from where I live now, to where I was born, to where I grew up, to where I was at school, to where I was at University: Stockwell — Charing Cross — the Hampstead Garden Suburb — Finchley — Oxford. Thus linking my life together with a physical chord, the music of my swishing thighs.

I was particularly looking forward to visiting the house on Brim Hill, London N2, where I grew up. I’d been back there the previous year, and on that occasion was plunged into a Proustian reverie, on seeing that the little paving-stone semicircle at the bottom of the drive was exactly as it had been when I was two or three, and played out there, scrabbling in the privet hedge and running my cars along the moss-filled runnels. This was a kinder era, when coal trucks still delivered oily, glistening sacks, paedophiles didn’t exist, car traffic was minimal, and the US Air Force — with the assistance of petroleum jelly — encouraged naked Vietnamese girls to go jogging.

But this time the drive, after 40 years, had been resurfaced, and my happy Lilliputian land was gone for ever. Tears pricking my eyes, I looked up to the suburban heavens, and saw there the towering forms of cumulus clouds, heavy and grey at their bases, while their nodose peaks had that particularly intense shade of white only ever matched by especially cheap ice-cream cones.

Now I was crying: recalling the dreadful revelation that also dated from my early childhood, when it finally dawned on me that I would never, ever be able to take a walk in the clouds. Up until that point — and join me, if you will, in this stroll into the inchoate world of those billions of neurons coalescing to form the human mind — light beams had been solid and within my control, and the cloudscape was a fully apprehended part of the world, mutable yet solid.

The adult world is one of objects that persist through time and space: duct tape, manhole covers, wheelie bins, a crass neighbour’s stupid car — they furnish the world, replete with their own monstrous quiddity. When we stop walking in the clouds, ascending their creamy gorges and planting our flags in their sweet summits, we are for ever condemned to this.

I suspect the impulse Jack the lad mountaineers have to climb up and up their ropey beanstalks, is really only an urge to walk in the clouds. As for mass air transit, what can we say of it, save that it destroys our most cherished childhood illusions again and again. To plunge through the clouds once, lancing into bright sunshine, the aluminium belly of the aircraft snuggled in the flocculent sward, may be a magical experience. But to do this again and again, while slurping Um Bongo and eating pistachios at £3 a pack, is unbelievably mundane magic.

I took the small boys up to Clapham Common to do some cloud spotting. It was a fresh June day, and the curve of the hill was clearly apprehensible. The formations were perfect: regularly spaced chunks of total amorphousness sailed across the sky, even from below they had a planiform that suggested the curvature of the globe itself. All creation was in these clouds, as they metamorphosed from moment to moment:

“That one’s like a man with a hairstyle!”

“There’s a volcano!”

“That one looks like a crocodile!”

“Look, a rabbit!”

These were some of the things we cried as we lay on our backs.

Or, rather, these are some of the things I cried. The boys soon got bored and began a play fight. Perhaps they were too old already to take the vaporous for the solid and walk among the clouds. Or maybe they wanted more nerdish cloud taxonomy. I wish I was the kind of father who could draw their attention to cirrocumulus stratiformis undulatus (that’s a mackerel sky to you and me), without driving them to distraction — but I’m not. Cloud spotting remains a matter of ducks and volcanoes with me, with the occasional quiet appreciation of the way the swags and drapes constitute a backdrop to a charming proscenium of landscape.

I did take a look on the Cloud Appreciation Society website started by Gavin Pretor-Pinney, author of the bestselling Cloudspotter’s Guide. This month’s top cloud shot — I urge you take a look — is of a distrail, the swathe chopped out of the cloud cover when an airplane’s exhaust fumes freeze the water vapour into ice. Distrails and contrails, ticks and crosses on the ledgers of the heavens, marking the progress of humanity towards the final, very public examination. Worse still, if you join the Cloudspotters’ club, you get a membership certificate — and a badge. I began to cry all over again — and I’m crying still.

30.06.07

Will’s Latest Book

Will Self - Elaine
Will Self's latest book Elaine will be published in hardback by Grove on September 5 2024 in the UK and September 17 2024 in the USA.

You can pre-order at Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com

Will’s Previous Books

Will Self - Will
Will
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  Will Self - Phone
Phone
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Amazon.com
Shark
Shark
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Amazon.com
  Umbrella
Umbrella
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Amazon.com
The Unbearable Lightness Of Being A Prawn Cracker
The Unbearable Lightness Of Being A Prawn Cracker
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Amazon.co.uk
  Walking To Hollywood
Walking To Hollywood
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Amazon.com
The Butt
The Butt
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Amazon.com
  Grey Area
Grey Area
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Amazon.com
Junk Mail
Junk Mail
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Amazon.com
  Great Apes
Great Apes
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Cock And Bull
Cock And Bull
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Amazon.com
  The Quantity Theory Of Insanity
The Quantity Theory Of Insanity
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Amazon.com
The Sweet Smell Of Psychosis
The Sweet Smell of Psychosis
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Amazon.com
  My Idea Of Fun
My Idea Of Fun
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Amazon.com
The Book Of Dave
The Book Of Dave
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  Psychogeography
Psychogeography
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Psycho Too
Psycho II
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  Liver
Liver
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How The Dead Live
How The Dead Live
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Amazon.com
  Tough Tough Toys For Tough Tough Boys
Tough Tough Toys For Tough Tough Boys
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Amazon.com
Dr Mukti And Other Tales Of Woe
Dr Mukti And Other Tales Of Woe
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Amazon.com
  Dorian
Dorian
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Amazon.com
Feeding Frenzy
Feeding Frenzy
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Perfidious Man
Perfidious Man
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  The Undivided Self
The Undivided Self
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will-self.com is the official website for British novelist and journalist Will Self. The site is managed by Chris Hall and Chris Mitchell.

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Will’s Writing Room

Will's Writing Room
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Recent Posts

  • Will Self’s new novel: Elaine
  • Berwick literary festival October 12
  • BONUS: Martin Amis in conversation with Will Self (2010)
  • My obsession with Adrian Chiles’ column
  • Why Read in Tunbridge Wells
  • The mind-bending fiction of Mircea Cartarescu
  • ‘The Queen is dead – and let’s try to keep it that way’
  • Why Read to be published in November
  • On the Road with Penguin Classics
  • The British Monarchy Should Die With the Queen

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